When there’s time on your hands… F**kery alights on great wings of translucent mischief.

You begin to wonder what would happen if you fed Thesaurus the names of 2021 MotoGP riders. One at a time, obviously.

What happens, then? This. This happens.

Andrea Dovizioso:

Antre – a Cavern, grotto
Dozies – Narcotic, drug-induced sleepiness
Getting high on narcotics in a cave somewhere – perhaps what he was up to for the while he was not racing?

Johann Zarco:

Johann Zarco MotoGP squat

Khan – King, Emperor, Monarch
Arc – Luminous electrical discharge between two electrodes or other points
A bright spark, with flashes of greatness; he has the potential to rule the class, but needs a more stable current.

Stefan Bradl:

Stefan Bradl MotoGP

Sedan – a Car with four or five seats, two or four doors and a separate area in the back for luggage
Bridal – Anything pertaining the bride at a wedding
Suave saloon that brings the bride to her wedding ceremony. Important, but only because of its link with the bride.

Danilo Petrucci:

Danilo Petrucci MotoGP Dakar

Denial – Rejection of an allegation; Disowning
Petrous – Rough (like stone); or, the temporal petrosal bone which contains the internal auditory organs
Listens to heart. Disowning MotoGP in favour of the rough ‘n’ hard Dakar.

Luca Marini:

Luca Marini MotoGP

Luck – As in, good or bad luck
Marina – A dock for small watercraft
His ship has yet to sail, hopefully a slightly newer one in 2022. Luck covered all its bases from ‘Hell Yeah’ to ‘Heck No’.

Maverick Vinales:

Maverick Vinales MotoGP

Maverick – Person who takes chances; bohemian, extremist
Vials – Small container for liquids
Went from extremely mopey to extremely smiley, having cried more than a small containerful.

Fabio Quartararo:

Fabio Quartararo MotoGP

Fab – As in ‘fabulous’; astonishing, astounding, awesome, fantastic, incredible, marvellous, outrageous, phenomenal, remarkable, spectacular, superb, terrific, unbelievable
Quarterage – A shelter; quarterly payment/wages
Fabulous both in his racing and fashionability, he earned his wages in phenomenal, remarkable, spectacular, superb – well, you get the idea – style.

Franco Morbidelli:

Franco Morbidello MotoGP

Frank – Straighforward, blunt (speaking)
Morbidly – Gruesomely, unnatural; in unhealthy mental state
This is, frankly, a hard one… It was a gruesome season of ups and downs, but somehow this man managed to keep his DNF-card unnaturally clean.

Enea Bastianini:

Enea Bastianini MotoGP

Enema – Injection of fluid into rectum to cause bowel movement
Bastion – A stronghold or fortress
Gave many a fellow rider the shits when he blew past them on his ancient fortress-like Ducati.

Iker Lecuona:

Iker Lecuona MotoGP

Hiker – A backpacker
Lacuna – Gap or missing part
Took every gap to fall off. Packed his bags and hiked over to Superbikes.

Takaaki Nakagami:

Takaaki Nakagami MotoGP Fireblades

Talkie – ‘Talking picture’, movie
Narcoma – Narcotics-induced stupor; lethargy
A short motion picture covering a year in the life of a young man prone to falling over; was it narcoma? Lethargic stupors? We may never know…

Lorenzo Savadori:

Lorenzo Savadori MotoGP

Frenzy – Burst of extremely energetic action
Safari – An adventure
An adventurous soul, a very abrupt decision, and a team that seems to enjoy the frenzy of changing riders…

Brad Binder:

Brad Binder MotoGP Podium

Brad – Rivet, fastener
Binder – Folder
Our local boy can definitely file this past season in the Riveting Stuff folder.

Cal Crutchlow:

Cal Crutchlow MotoGP

Cal – California
Crutch – A support for walking
On semi-part-time-sometimes holiday; Yamaha’s somewhat ineffective crutch for 2021.

Joan Mir:

Joan Mir MotoGP

John – Lavatory
Mi – Third tone in the diatonic scale (E)
Got his champion-head dunked in the toilet by Fabio and Pecco, leaving him third on the MotoGP scale for 2021.

Jack Miller:

Jack Miller MotoGP bunny hop

Jack – Device for lifting up heavy objects
Mailer – Brochure
Lifted his teammate up into second place in the championship; constantly browsing the Dainese brochure after tossing his kit into the crowds.

Aleix Espargaro:

Aleix Espargaro MotoGP

Helix – A spiral
Espresso – Strong coffee
Could do with some strong caffeine, what with his racing resembling a slinky-spiral. Up. Down. And up. Down.

Alex Rins:

Alex Rins MotoGP

Ale – Beer, but darker and more bitter
Rains – Large amounts of water falling from the sky
His new nickname must leave a bitter taste in his mouth; rain wasn’t the only thing falling at inopportune times.

Pol Espargaro:

Pol Espargaro MotoGP

Pole – Long piece of wood or metal; first slot on the starting grid of a race
Espresso – Strong coffee
One of the reasons Aleix needed some strong coffee. Managed to scoop one of those poles at least.

Valentino Rossi:

Valentino Rossi MotoGP

Valentine – Beloved companion, sweetheart
RSI – Repetitive Strain Injury
Probably developed an RSI from his wedgie-tug; the coveted Sweetheart of millions around the world.

Francesco Bagnaia:

Pecco Bagnaia MotoGP

Fresco – Method of painting on damp plaster
Bagnio – A brothel
Created great works of on-track art while drilling hard at Fabio’s championship lead.

Alex Marquez:

Alex Marquez MotoGP

Ale – Beer, but darker and more bitter
Marquee – A large, open-sided tent
It must be dark in Marc’s shadow, but at least it opened up a little in his absence.

Miguel Oliveira:

Miguel Oliveira MotoGP

Mogul – Powerful person; mound on a ski slope; descendants of Mongol empire
Olives – Edible fruit; drab khaki colour
Not everyone likes you, but that’s okay. Has the potential to be Great.

Jorge Martin:

Jorge Martin MotoGP crash

Corge – Metasyntactic variable; whatever; basically a ‘nonsense’ word
Matting – Carpeting
Tripped on the MotoGP welcome mat, and missed most of the season. Humbug.

Marc Marquez:

Marc Marquez MotoGP motocross

Marc – The grape-leftovers within the press after pressing; the brandy produced from this residue
Marquee – A large, open-sided tent
There has definitely been a large amount of shade thrown over his 2021 season; fell off his offroader and now knows how an alcoholic sees the world.

There you have it. Names can be fun. And I clearly have too much time on my hands between appointments.

Shall I do the same for Moto2 and Moto3?

~ Karr